I will tell you about my experience with a fully developed materialisation medium back in 1983. Can you begin to imagine my thoughts on my way back from Leicester to Bristol after being physically reunited with my “dead” father?

 

I thought that all I would have to do would be to send my report to a newspaper and that in a very short time millions would know that losing a loved one was only a temporary tragedy. How wrong I was. I just did not realise back then just how badly the truth upsets very powerful people at the top with a great deal to lose from the scientific case for survival after death.

 

For example, the whole of the religious establishments throughout the world. They have a lucrative monopoly on the vast life after death industry. They all know very well that nobody is going to pump money at them when millions of people find out that it is a scientific fact that every person survives the death of their physical body without any help from priests. This is why the pope said to Professor Stephen Hawking, “I don’t care what you do in science just as long as you never encroach on my subject, life after death.”

 

Then there is the fact that orthodox scientific teaching across the world, across every discipline, is locked into Einstein’s hopelessly outdated 1915 General Theory of Relativity – when you are dead, you’re dead. However, one genuine scientist (Latin for seeker after knowledge) did take action on my report that even the Spiritualists blocked for many years before they eventually published. Spiritualism is an officially recognised one-god religion.

 

The head of astronomy at Glasgow University, Professor Archie Roy, came and spent a whole day with me in Bristol. Please refer to his letters to me on my website, Correspondence Section dated 1983. He was about to go in with the infra-red cameras and capture on film six recently deceased people proving that they are still very much alive. A psychologist on his team sabotaged Professor Roy’s experiments in order to keep the old-boy network intact – money flowing in the “right” direction.

 

Maybe the time is right to send this to newspapers again. It sure beats having to ‘rest in peace’ in the ground having to wait for the second coming of the Christian God – Judgement Day – before anything can happen.

 

Michael Roll

 

In the 1930’s my mother came across Arthur Findlay’s book ‘On The Edge Of The Etheric’ linking the study of survival after death with natural and normal forces in the universe. Subatomic physics, forces in nature that are just out of range of our five physical senses. This changed mother’s whole outlook on life, and as she named me after Arthur Findlay in 1938, it also set me up for the rest of my life after I had made a careful study of the subject. As a young man Arthur Findlay had taken the fear of death away from me.

 

As I am now coming towards the end of my stay on Earth I look upon the death of my physical body as a tremendous adventure. I know that I will be immediately reunited with all the people that I have loved on Earth during the time that I have been locked into a physical space suit. Not to mention a whole stack of cats.

 

In 1983 I took part in experiments with a materialisation medium. This type of medium does not just give evidence of survival, they are able to give the crushing scientific proof, because at one of these experiments all five senses are working – sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. Every time this medium gave a demonstration six recently deceased people materialised. They were just as solid and as natural as when they were on Earth. Full reports of what I witnessed can be found on my website, The Campaign For Philosophical Freedom:

 

www.scsad.afterlifeinstitute.org

 

Every time this medium, Rita Goold from Leicester, gave a demonstration, the former Scottish medium Helen Duncan materialised and acted as a sort of etheric master of ceremonies. I am not being gullible here because just before I went to Leicester the journalist Alan Cleaver had carried out a first class scientific experiment. He had reunited the “dead” Helen Duncan with her daughter on Earth, Gena Brealey. Reference ‘The Cleaver Report’ on my website.

 

At my first visit to Leicester Arthur Findlay materialised and gave me a hug. He confirmed that he was working with me all the time. I told him that I knew this must be true because I was not clever enough to write what I do. I left school at 16 only just able to read and write. Please note my father materialised at this experiment. There is no way he would let me down. Therefore it is a safe bet that the materialised Arthur Findlay was genuine.

 

The next person to materialise was Russell Byrne who died of cancer at the age of nine. He has been physically reunited with his parents Gwen and Alf on something like 100 repeatable experiments. Russell said to me that as I was coming back next week with my mother, was there anybody over here that I would like him to get. I said that I would love to meet my father again who passed over in 1967. Russell said that if my dad is over there he will try and “dig him out.”

 

Sure enough the following week I was reunited with my father in 1983, still very much alive. He was also reunited with my mother. This is no longer all too good to be true because vital discoveries in physics have been deliberately blocked from coming to the attention of people throughout the world in order to keep the old-boy network intact.

 

Thanks to the Internet people can now Google the proof that Sir William Crookes carried out repeatable experiments under laboratory conditions proving that we all have a soul that separates from the dead physical body. These are his 1874 experiments with the materialisation medium Florence Cook. He published the results of his experiments in ‘The Quarterly Journal of Science’. Crookes was later made the president of The Royal Society and awarded ‘The Order of Merit’.

 

In 1933 Sir Oliver Lodge gave a cosmological location for the spiritual part of the universe with his lecture ‘The Mode of Future Existence’. This now fits in with what scientists refer to as the missing 95% of the universe. We now know that this is the spiritual part of the universe that Sir William Crookes discovered in 1874.

 

The mysterious force of gravity is no longer a mystery. Gravity is the force of nature  that is coming from the spiritual part of the universe. It is keeping all the oceans from flying off into space. It also makes suns, planets and moons round. Just like we make a snowball round by applying outside pressure.

 

Michael Findlay Roll

 

Sunday May 17, 2015----

 

There is a world of the flesh, and there is the Spirit world. When the flesh is gone the Spirit forever remains. Their voices speak to those who know how to listen.

---Wolf Clan Song---from Native American Tradition

 

When spirit comes around us to speak to us, how do we listen? How do we hear that which is not physical?

 

This is the question that we should all be asking ourselves because if there is a way for us to hear what our children have to say, we would like to know it. The problem is that it is impossible hear that which is not audible. Common sense spirituality would say that we had better find another way.

 

So what are our options? We read that in the Near Death Experiences, people have conversations with spirit beings without words. We are told that complete ideas tare received telepathically, and that even though no words are spoken the imparted message is very clear. 

 

I doubt that there is a person alive who hasn’t received both inspiration and direction from spirit. We each can remember incidents where we literally “knew” something, felt it intrinsically, but we had no idea how. How many times have you felt a strong emotion regarding a future event but ignored it, only to kick yourself later on as you thought “I knew I should have stayed away!”

 

Where does that “knowing” come from and why do we not realize its source?

 

We have been taught from an early age that the things that are real are physical and that feelings are intangible and therefore not real, not of substance. Cars are real, the body is real, metal is real. We see those things that we can touch and that hold their shape, as real and all else as insubstantial. 

 

Alas, my friends, I believe we’ve got it backwards. Everything physical will perish, nothing can be held on to and only that which is spirit endures: spirit endures, love endures, memory endures---all those things that are not physical, that cannot be held, yes, all those things that we consider insubstantial in physical terms.

 

And so, in our quest to connect-up with our children-in-spirit, it becomes imperative that we begin to switch our affiliation from the things of the earth, to the things of the spirit. It is time that we begin to shift our attachment from things that are physical to the things that we feel, and the things that we dream.

 

Many of you have heard me say this before. We are all spirit. Our children are discarnate spirits and we are spirit incarnate but we are all spirit. Our spirit is still focused in our physical body and our children are free of their physical bodies, but we are all spirit and that is the common denominator.  We know we can’t find our children in physical reality and so the only remaining option we have is to find them in the spirit, through that common denominator and that means learning how spirit hears.

 

It’s almost as if we are learning braille or some new system of attaining information but essentially it means opening yourself to a new way of listening, which is not  through your ears!

 

For a first step I suggest forming a new image of yourself in which spirit and it’s intrinsic nature is apparent to you. You begin to realize that spirit runs throughout your body, keeping it charged so-to-speak, with that divine spark of spirit that connects you to all other forms of spirit because in spirit there is no separation. We are each, for now, cordoned off in bodies, giving us the illusion of separateness, but it is an illusion.

 

And so, for the first step to open up your connection to spirit is to identity yourself as the spirit being that you are and to honor the fact that what looks out at the world through your eyes is what you are, and that those eyes that you look through are a part of a temporary lodging and not your permanent destination. Begin to identify with the consciousness that exists independent of your body, for that consciousness is what you are, what you have always been and what you will be when you make the crossing.

 

It is not in our best interest to identify solely with physical reality when one or more of our children are in-spirit. Of course we need to interact with our physical lives and give attention to those who are here, however, what’s to prevent us from putting a little time aside everyday to cultivate our awareness of spirit?

 

I love this quote from an ancient Greek text: “I am a child of earth and of starry heaven, but my real race is of heaven.”  I love to toss it around in my mind because  it wakes me up to the realization that there is a bigger picture than what we see in a physical incarnation alone. When I really allow this truth to sink in, I am filled with hope and inspiration. Alas, I am reminded that there is a bigger picture, that there is more to this than one physical life and that my child and I are a part of a greater reality in which nothing is ever lost, love least of all.

 

And so, I ask you for this week to identify with what you love, what you feel, and what you cannot see. Take a few minutes everyday to feel the energy that courses through your veins and know that although you cannot see it, it is what you are    

And yes you are right, in many ways, connecting-up is all that we have, but do not underestimate the power of connecting-up in spirit! You can come to a point where you feel that your child is walking beside you wherever you go.  

 

Unfortunately we have spent the bulk of our lives exploring and knowing the world only through the five physical senses, which are relatively useless to us now in our search for connection.  Until we fine-tune our own ear for spirit, we often do walk around feeling that they are nowhere near us, but I assure you, that is erroneous! 

 

I often say that the only reason we are capable of burying or cremating our children is because we know intrinsically, once the spirit has left the body,that our loved one is not there! You could be standing next to the coffin and the body is right there next to you and you look at it and you say, “She’s gone!"  What’s gone?  The body is right there!

 

But what is gone is the spirit, the essence, the energy that once looked out at you from behind those eyes, but that energy is not gone. On the contrary it is very very present. So the trick is for us to learn to know how to feel, sense, and experience that energy! 

 

It’s kind of like learning a new way of seeing, a new kind of language. Sometimes I think of it as The Braille System because when it comes to Spirit, we are somewhat blind. But we can and we do learn. 

 

Start by getting a journal so that you can begin to keep records of things that pop in and out of your consciousness. Start paying more attention to what you feel and what you think and what you daydream about. To see physical reality you must look out through your eyes into the exterior world. To experience spiritual reality you have to look inward into your mental world where feelings and images come. At the very least, our loved ones influence our thoughts. You can think of it as going fishing in the ocean of your imagination because that’s the portal through which information can come. 

 

Think about this: We have all experienced thinking of someone who then rings our phone only three seconds later. Did that person send you a mental heads-up first and how did you pick up in it?  You don’t know how, but we do this all the time And that is because on the nonphysical level the thought existed before the call was made, and on a nonphysical level you received it, however by the time it makes it through to your conscious mind, it feels like nothing more than imagination and so you write it off. Understand that imagination is the portal through which information from a Spirit level is interpreted. 

 

We can all do this and we do it all the time. It’s never going to fulfill the desire to have your child here physically, but you can develop a real sense of communication and connectedness and when you consider that we are here and they are there, I think that’s pretty great!

 

 

Good morning all! I know I have been quiet in the past months but not that my heart isn’t sending love to each of you and your sweet children. This is my cue from ‘my’ Danny to share as well. Our boys are stepping us up Sheri!! 

 

My Danny began coming thru a friend of a friend. I admit I was skeptical at first but the info was spot on. Then he just came thru the friend. At first my heart was envious that she was feeling and hearing my beloved son all the time and enjoying a relationship with him. She had never met him in life and only knew his spirit energy which she described to me often. She is young and very beautiful and like a daughter to me. She is now in classes for using her channeling abilities. 

 

I realized that some of the things she would tell me about Danny I was aware of. Such as him trying to get me to go to bed when I was staying up too late. I found myself talking to him more and asking his advice more. I guess I was just acting as if he was here which was odd since he didn’t live with us when he passed and hadn’t in many years. But here is what I want to share with everyone. 

 

Danny had my friend make a “project" for me. She said he had her go to the store and told her exactly what to pick out to use. She came for a visit recently and gave me this amazing gift. It’s a scrapbook called “Danny’s notes for Mama Nancy". And in this book are things he’s told her he wants me to know but I wasn’t listening well enough. Yes I’m crying as I’m writing this. So as if this wasn’t enough, on the last night of her visit, she plugged her cell phone in on the nightstand. The next morning there were 2 receipts laying on the nightstand. They are both dated 2005!! His last time home was July 2005. One receipt is for gas and the other is for food. One even has his name where he swiped his bank card. We have had many many guest use that room since then and have been in it ourselves to clean and NEVER saw these receipts out in plain view on that nightstand!! I now remind myself every time I miss him that he is here with me all the time and wants me to know it and stay in communication with him. 

 

Sheri I will take pictures of the book and receipts and share them. My love to everyone and from my heart to yours always. Our ‘children’ are as close as our breath and love us and need us to love them with open happy hearts like we always did. Grief closes our hearts and is hard on them as well. This is the biggest challenge as parents who are walking this path. 

 

My email was recently hacked so I am unable to send this to the entire group. Perhaps you can pass this on to the group. 

 

Thank you Sheri!!! Thank you ALL! Heaven is real and real close! 

It was August 30, 2006 and there it was.  The article on fatal off-campus house fires was on the front page of that day’s edition of USA TODAY.  I had been so pleased to receive a call, some three weeks earlier, from a reporter working on the story.   They had done extensive research on all the fatal off-campus house fires across the country since 2000, and the article would run just in time for college students moving into off-campus housing for the upcoming school year.

 

It was everyone’s hope that this article would keep other college kids from making the mistakes of, not only my daughter Liz, but of the 61 other college kids who had lost their lives due to fire in their off-campus homes.  Prevention was key and I was glad to play a small part in doing whatever I could to keep other families from experiencing the devastating loss of a vibrant young adult.

 

When I found out the article was going to print, I excitedly emailed all of my friends and family to tell them about it and that Liz’s picture would be included.

 

I stopped at the store on my way to work that morning and bought three copies of the paper.  I was so excited!  I couldn’t wait to get to my desk so I could read that article.   But, once I did, it made me so sad.  The senselessness of Liz’s death hit me again in such a powerful way, and it felt like September 20, 2003 all over again.  I guess I should have expected that kind of reaction, but it had taken me by surprise and I was having a very difficult time dealing with all of the raw, painful emotions that once again bubbled up and grabbed me. 

 

I was also very mad at myself.  How naïve could you be, I thought to myself?  How could you possibly think that this article would make you happy?

Suddenly, I wished it had never been published and I threw the papers on the back credenza of my office and tried hard to put it out of my mind.  But I couldn’t, because all day long I had a steady stream of co-workers stopping at my desk to see the article, and it was all I could do to keep my composure.  

 

I was having a sad, difficult day.  I hadn’t had one of “those” days for quite some time and I just figured I was due.  I’d get through it, I told myself, because tomorrow will always be better.  It was something I had dealt with before in the three years since her passing, and it always worked.  You had to feel the pain before it would leave I had learned.

 

I focused on my job and tried hard to put the article out of my mind.  I work with International customers at my company.  Because of the time difference, email is the accepted means of communication.  I had taken this position just three weeks after Liz’s death and it had been the perfect job for me.  The stress level was low; I could come in, answer the emails I received, and go home.  I thanked God often for giving me such a wonderful job at just the right time.

 

I continued to work through my emails.  Suddenly a familiar email address popped up.  It was Liz’s high school French teacher.  Jan had been Liz’s favorite teacher, and we had kept in touch after her death.   I had shared my news about the USA TODAY article with her, and I assumed that was what her email to me was about.

 

Much to my surprise it wasn’t about the article at all.  Kim, she said, you will just treasure this.  I was in my classroom yesterday, cleaning out my files, getting ready for a new school year.  A lone file folder fell on the floor.  I reached down and picked it up and on the outside I read  “Liz Wencl Essay.”  I opened it up and discovered an assignment I had given out over four years ago.

 

The assignment was to write a letter to one of your parents, in French, telling them what they represent in your life.  Kim, this is a letter Liz wrote to you!

Now, I don’t speak French, so Jan translated it for me.  That letter was a parent’s dream.  In it Liz told me how much she loved and missed me in so many different ways.  And, amazingly, even though the letter was written when she was in high school, it made complete sense for life after September 20, 2003.

 

Here is the English translation of the letter:

 

Assignment:  Write a letter to your Mother or Father telling them what they represent in your life.

 

Dear Mom,

 

I know that you love me.  You show me each day that it is true.  Don’t think you are a bad mother.  It isn’t true!  When I look at you I realize how much I am loved.

 

When you are feeling bad, don’t forget --- I truly love you.  I would like to be a better daughter.  We argue sometimes and that makes me sad.  I feel bad and unhappy if you cry.

 

I remember when I was little and you would hug me and say, “I love you so much, Lizzie, sit here with me for just a little while.  Those times were so special for me and you made me so happy.  I felt like nothing could ever hurt me.  I use to wish those moments would never end.  To be cuddled up next to you like that today would be like a dream come true.

 

Mom, I feel sad when you feel sad.  And, when you are happy, I am happy!  You are my mother and I would never choose anyone else.  Without you, I would never be who I am.

 

I love you with all my heart.

 

Kisses,

Liz

 

Suddenly what had been a very difficult day became a completely amazing day, and I was once again emailing all of my friends and family to share this wonderful letter with them.

 

Jan brought the folder and the letter to my house that night.  As she put it in my hands, she said to me, “You have got to know this was no accident.”  I said, “Oh Jan, believe me I do know that.”  She went on to tell me that she remembered telling Liz what a beautiful letter it was, and how she had encouraged Liz to share it with me.  She even remembered what Liz’s comment had been,  “I will when the time is right.”

 

Receiving that letter was no coincidence.  I believe with all my heart that my daughter is still with me and she knew I was having a difficult day.  She reached out to let me know just how much she loves and misses me, just as I love and miss her.

 

The letter is now framed, with the French version on one side, a picture of Liz in the middle, and the English translation on the other, and it hangs in our living room.   It is a constant reminder of the power of our love.  That letter is visual proof for me that Liz reached out and touched me on a day when I needed it most. 

 

Now, I am sure, I will have more sad days in the years to come.  But when I do, all I have to do is read her letter and I once again feel the strong bond of love that we will always share.  It is a bond that can never be broken, not even by death.

 

Just as God’s love for his children never changes, the love that my daughter and I share never changes.  It will live for all eternity.

 

Website:  http://kimwencl.com

Email:  kimberlywencl@gmail.com

I have had a few readings lately with both gifted mediums and psychics that have confirmed to me certain things that I felt about Dan's passing right from the  very beginning. Thoughts and feelings that I had regarding his choice, on a spirit level, to leave the earth at that time; things that I did not discuss with anyone because I wasn't certain about them, we're all confirmed. When I sat down to meditate this morning these thoughts came through from Danny.

 

“You knew as much or more than anyone. You would not except it's validity because you don't trust yourself or therefore what comes through you but you see now, that you always knew. How did you know you? It felt like you had imagined it and as I asked you before, I ask you again Sheri, what do you think imagination is? What does it draw upon? 

 

When you look out through your eyes you see physical reality or what you can refer to as framework I. When you look inside you are looking at inner reality which we can call framework II.

 

Now looking inside, image a stage with closed curtains and imagine pulling those curtains open---see them opening and then as soon as they are open, tell me what you see. You see my smiling face. Now breathing in draw energy from my image into you. See the image of me clearly in your mind and breathe-in the energy into you. As you exhale slowly, deeply and fully send your love to my smiling face. Keep the image of me clear in your mind and send the energy back to me as you exhale. Now back and forth, in and out. Let the energy flow between us back and forth. This energizes us both."

 

I was numb as I sat in the chair between my husband and my father. I could hear the funeral director talking...I could see his lips moving, but nothing was registering in my mind. Even breathing was difficult.  In the past twenty-four hours, life as we knew it had ceased to exist.  Our oldest daughter, twenty-year-old Elizabeth, had died of smoke inhalation from a fire in her duplex just a few blocks from the University of Minnesota, where she had just begun her sophomore year. Two of her roommates also died with her.

How can this be? Liz is gone? It just can’t be true. How can I go on without my precious first-born daughter? I had so many emotions running through my mind and I couldn’t deal with any of them. I was too shocked even to cry.

Question after question had to be answered. What is her birth date? Where was she born? What year did she graduate from high school? I answered each question without any thought, more like a robot than a mother. It was instinctual – it was rote – it felt void of emotion.

Part of me -- no, all of me -- wanted to scream and run out of the room, go home and find my beautiful, precious Elizabeth, safe in her room. She would look at me with that coy smile of hers and say, “Oh Mom, you just worry way too much! Nothing is going to happen to me! I’m just fine!”

Why couldn’t this be a horrible nightmare, or some cruel joke? Please God, please. But, No … this was real, and I had to sit and question-by-question try to acknowledge what I just couldn’t believe was my new reality.

 Intense Sorrow and Pain

When the funeral director left the room for a few minutes, the silence was overwhelming. We each sat like statues, staring into space blankly. Conversation was impossible. The silence in the room was deafening. Each of us was trying so hard to keep it together, but it was an impossible task. My husband put his head in his hands and sobbed. Then he got up and said, “I’ve got to get some air.” We barely acknowledged him, as my Dad and I continued to sit in stunned silence with tears streaming down our faces.

 

The funeral director returned and gently told us that we would need to bring in clothing for Liz to be buried in. There was no hurry he said, but in the next day or two. As his words began to slowly sink in, I mentally scanned Liz’s closet – and it was empty. There was nothing left – she had taken everything with her when she moved into that duplex just three weeks ago.

An Unexpected Shopping Trip

The harsh reality was that I would have to go out and buy Liz an outfit to be buried in – one last, final new outfit. She always loved to shop and she loved new clothes, so it seemed fitting that a new outfit was needed for this occasion as well. But how could I shop without her? We never agreed on clothing, and now in this difficult, painful state of mind I had to pick out her final new outfit?!

My sister drove me to the mall – I knew I would go to a store where Liz used to work, as she had always liked the clothes there. As I pulled open the door and stepped inside I whispered, “Liz, you have got to help me here! I have absolutely no idea what to pick.”

I slowly walked around and began to peruse the racks. It didn’t take very long before I found a pair of khaki pants and a light blue sweater. I showed my sister and said, “I don’t know if this is what Liz would want, but even if I don’t get this right, does it really matter?”

A Precious Surprise

A day after the funeral my sister-in-law came to visit. We sat in my kitchen drinking coffee and talking. The grim reality that Elizabeth was gone had begun to sink in.

“I was going through pictures last night," Karen told me, "and I found one of Liz taken last Christmas. I thought you might want to see it."   She reached into her purse and pulled out a picture, and laid it on the table in front of me.

There she was – my Elizabeth, smiling and happy sitting with her cousins. But ... suddenly my breath caught in my throat and I couldn’t speak – for you see -- Liz was wearing …  a pair of khaki pants and a light blue sweater.

(See attached photo of Elizabeth sitting with her cousins, wearing the khaki pants and light blue sweater)!

 

I accompanied Jerry (my husband) when he went up to Westchester last week to play golf at Elmwood Country Club. I don’t like to play golf, (I’m not much of an athlete) but I do love to ride around in the golf cart with him, especially if he goes in the late afternoon and the sun is beginning to set. I find dusk very dreamy. Anyway, those of you who have read “Lost and Found” know that we feel Danny strongly when we go up that way. It is close to the home where we all lived as a family and Danny was fond of the country and rural settings.

 

As soon as we arrived and Jerry went off to slip into those gorgeous golf get-ups, (I’m not too big on golf clothes either) I felt that familiar nostalgia rise up in my heart. We met at the golf cart and as he went to take his first shot, I set up my phone to play random selections from my itunes library, put my earphones into my ears and prepared for a nice relaxing ride. I hadn’t planned on this being a big emotional outing, however, as one song came on after another, each one relating to Danny, I found myself weeping uncontrollably. When the third song came on, which was the theme from Beauty and the Beast, I was beside myself. This song, played over and over in our home, because it was Jessica’s favorite baby movie and for years Danny would sing that song to her. I could hear his voice singing in my head and the memories, so beautiful and full of love, provoked a huge sense of longing.  I had no tissues. I took off my socks and used them as handkerchiefs. I cried for the first nine holes and I remember thinking to myself how profound the pain of child loss really is. I thought of each and everyone of you and as I did, I cried harder. And then, all of a sudden, just as quickly as the blues came on, they slipped away and I was awestruck by how calm I felt and how beautiful the trees and the grass and the birds were. I felt as if I had shed ten pounds of sorrow and I remember thinking of what my teach Seth used to say about allowing ourselves to feel and experience our emotions.

 

I thought about this quote by Seth that I have always loved: “The sky would never hold back it’s storms, it has better sense and so should you.” I felt so relieved, cleared out, so to speak and I realized that my desire to not get pulled into the sorrow, prevents me from letting it all hang out, and sometimes, that’s what is called for. I came to see that honesty of emotion, whatever those emotions are, is freeing.  And the fact is, I really felt much lighter.

 

So, now there were the last nine holes to be played and I felt that Danny wanted me to take some photos. Up until that day I had always been a little bit frustrated because I have never seen one orb in any photographs I have taken. People are always showing me photos with orbs and I have complained to Danny that I have not been so lucky. I felt Danny challenging me to play with the camera, so, I started snapping photos of things that caught my eye. When I looked back at the first photo I took, what did I see? Well, I think it’s an orb but there are those who would say that what you see is nothing more than a reflection from the sun. I honestly don’t know for sure, but I am attaching 2 photos that I took that day that seem to have orbs in them. If any of you have any experience with this, I’d love your opinions.

 

I want to conclude by saying that although I firmly believe that Danny and all the other children who have passed into spirit are well and thriving, there will be times of profound sadness that arise from longing and missing the physical presence of our children. I see no way around this. However, if Danny were living in another country and our only way to communicate was by telephone, I’d save up my dollars for that long distance phone call. For me, staying connected-up to Danny is what allows me to breathe and laugh, because it assures me that this separation is not an end to our relationship by any means. If you don’t feel that way, then consider having a session with a good medium or read a copy of “Lost and Found” which should help you to connect-up on your own. But do what you can to make that connection. It will heal you so much.

 

What I’ve learned is that each of us has an inner self that not only guides us, but knows so much more than we consciously do. When you see that you actually have this inside yourself, it is wise to acknowledge it and to make friends with it.

 

I’ve learned that part of me has always known things that were yet to come; things my conscious mind couldn’t possibly comprehend. It took me a long time to actually realize this.

 

It’s kind of like having a mystery partner because you aren’t usually aware of it, yet it operates on your behalf.  Some would call this the unconscious mind, others the inner self, and still others, the soul, however I think of it now as my inner ally because I see that it intercedes on my behalf. I would like to share with you a story about the first time I saw this portion of myself in action.

 

I have never written this story up. I think it’s high time that I did.

 

This took place in 1973 or 1974. I was driving east with my first husband Lenny and my younger brother, Bob. We were driving in a car which was pulling a horse trailer because we were transporting a horse who, by the way, had a bad leg. We had purchased her from a ranch were we had preciously worked, in California. 

 

We were on the last leg of what had already been a long ride, hoping to make it to our own ranch in upstate NY at the end of that day.  Transporting horses across the county has a routine that is wise to comply with, for reasons that I will explain. Because it is not likely to find a facility to board your horse in every town, from the time you are ready to quit for the day and the time it takes to find a stall for your horse, you could be driving for another few hours. So we would drive from 4am to 4 pm so that by 6pm we were reasonably assured of finding a place to board our horse.

 

Now I have never been much good a reading maps and so I never paid much attention to where we were going on any given day. I was along for the ride and that was quite enough for me. Getting going at 4am was more than enough challenge for me although I remember being awestruck by seeing the sunrise as we drove east. But, on this particular morning I had an overwhelming urge to navigate the route! In retrospect I see this as totally out of character and quite ridiculous, since I really was out of my league here, but it was as if I had no choice. I simply insisted on being the navigator. “I’m the navigator, I’m the navigator” was coming out of my mouth, like a child who was playing a game, but I meant it. I grabbed the map and insisted that I take this job into my hands. Lenny was surprised and a little concerned, but I was not taking no for an answer and so, he agreed to go along with it. “Just don’t fuck it up,” he said. “I won’t, “ I answered," with all the bravado in the world.

 

I looked over the map and picked out the route for the day. I believed that I had put us right back onto route 80, which is what we had been traveling on all along. We kept driving and pushing forward. We didn’t look for a place to spend the night, for we were hoping to make it home to the ranch sometime after midnight. It was about midnight when I started to get concerned about the route, because I had not yet seen any of the towns that I thought we would be passing. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I just might just have fucked it up after all.  At some point I told Lenny that I was concerned because I couldn’t find the towns that I thought would be on our path to which he replied, “Well, I’d be happy to find an open gas station because we seem to be losing generator power….look our lights are going out .” The lights on the dashboard were flickering and then a second later the car started to chug along as if it would stop at any minute.  We just made it to the next exit and would have been stuck there for the rest of the night but the exist turned into a steep hill and we were able to roll down the hill and then we miraculously entered a open gas station which was situated right at the bottom of the hill. What a stroke of luck to find a gas station open after 12 midnight.

 

The fellow at the gas station looked over our car. “Do you know anywhere that we could board our horse for the night?” we asked, to which we were told that we were in luck because there was a track in the town and that the track was running that night, which meant they would still be open. He juice-up our generator so that we could use the car to get our horse to the track where we were given a stall large enough for her to lie down in, for free! We left her and drove back to the gas station because we still didn’t know what was wrong with the car. The man said we would need to leave it overnight. Our next question was, “Are there any hotels nearby?” to which we were told that there was one hotel in the town and it was across the street, well within walking distance. We grabbed our overnight bags, left the car, and headed for the hotel. When we arrived we were fortunate that they had one vacant room left, with one cot for Bob. Wearily we all fell into deep sleeps.

 

The next morning we headed back to the gas station. At this point I was very aggravated with myself, unable to understand why I could not read a map accurately.  Lenny wanted to know where the hell we actually were. The man in the gas station pointed us to a map on the wall and lo and behold we had taken an alternate route 80 which went north-east rather than straight east and we were almost at the entrance to route 17, which was perfect for us. Instead of going east and then north, we had gone north-east at the same time. “Not so bad, “ I thought.

Later we paid the gas station our huge bill, collected our horse and headed to our ranch in Chemung New York. At the time I was still admonishing myself for my inability to read a map!

 

It was only years later that it hit me that the vertical drop, the open gas station, the open track with the big stall, the hotel across the street with the one room and one extra cot, all available after midnight, was not just a matter of good luck! It was at least 20 years later before I realized that it actually was a demonstration of the inner self’s ability to see into the future and to oversee events to ensure a good outcome. I knew that, on a conscious level, I could never have pulled this scenario off if I tried. All of a sudden I had to step back and realize that we do contain wisdom and a vision that our conscious minds cannot even conceive of.

 

And that was the first time that it occurred to me that I could trust myself and my impulses, that they were on my side and were there to protect me. I also realized that not all knowledge and understanding come from reading what is on a piece of paper and that sometimes the deepest knowledge comes to us in mysterious ways.