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Loss, Bereavement and The Holidays

posted Nov 18, 2010, 6:04 PM by Sheri Perl   [ updated Nov 18, 2010, 6:13 PM ]

“Father, tell mother she has her son with her all day on Christmas Day. There will be thousands of us back in the homes on that day, but the horrid part is that so many of the fellows don’t get welcomed. Please keep a place for me. I must go now. Bless you again, father—Raymond.” From the book, “Raymond Or Life And Death” by Sir Oliver Lodge

When it comes to the holidays, everyone has their own way of coping and there is no wrong or right way to do this. For me, however, there is only way one to deal with bereavement whether it’s Thanksgiving, Xmas or Dan’s birthday and that is to stay connected to Dan through spirit. I do believe that although we pass out of our bodies at physical death, we maintain our personality, our memory and our affection. Just as none of us can or will ever forget our children, neither have any of them forgotten us!

You may wonder if a bereaved mother can even be rational about such a subject, however, the views I am espousing are based on 40+ years of experience studying metaphysics with an emphasis on spiritual healing and mediumship. Long before Danny passed in July of 2008, I was in the habit of sitting with the medium Glenn Dove at least twice a year to connect up with specific loved ones on the other side: my father, Herman Perl and my spiritual healer, Harry Edwards. When Danny passed, it was only natural that I would continue in seek connection in this way and I was not at all surprised when Danny came through one week after he passed and discussed everything that had happened to him with pin point accuracy. Not only that, but since that time, Dan has come through many different mediums with the same explanations of the events surrounding his passing as well as with his own very unique personality. What I’ve learned is that when the medium is a true medium, Dan is Dan and there is no mistaking him. I cannot put into words the comfort I derive from this.

I would like to talk a little bit about the quote at the top of the page. It is taken from the book “Raymond Or Life and Death” by Sir Oliver Lodge who lost his son Raymond during World War I, as a soldier on the battlefield. Sir Oliver was a renowned scientist who was working on the wireless radio when his son passed and he began an exploration of connecting up with Raymond through numerous mediums. I have printed this quote because I think it points to a side of loss and bereavement that we seldom think about, for we rarely concern ourselves with what our loved ones on the other side might be feeling. It’s all about us. If the kids have gone on into spirit, wouldn’t they still have feelings too? I believe that in fact they do, and the last thing they want is to be forgotten!

This year on the holidays, whether you get together with many others or you spend the holidays very quietly, set a place for your loved one. If room is limited, find some other way to honor him or her at your table. In your own heart and mind invite this loved one in and assure him or her in your thoughts that they are remembered and always welcome. Imagine, even for a brief moment, that the spirit of your loved one is present, even though you cannot see or hear them. If you are up to it, request a silent moment in which all present can send loving prayers. This is a real gift to your loved one. Maybe light a candle, but whatever you do, find some way to include them. It always makes me feel better and from what Danny says these prayers are of great benefit to them!

I formed The Prayer Registry for numerous reasons however, the most compelling was this understanding that these prayers sent from us here on earth to our loved ones on the other side are extremely beneficial to them. From July 2008 to July 2009 Danny had been commenting through numerous mediums on how these prayers are uplifting and propel them forward.

He’s gone on to explain that many spirits receive a good deal of prayer and attention when they first cross over but that within 6 months time, the attention often dies down. While some people think that it is best to try to forget what they’ve lost, others think that they should let their loved ones rest in peace. However, Dan presents a very different picture from someone who is resting to someone who is taking an active role in learning, evolving and growing, who has not forgotten for one moment who his family is and whose love, if anything, has grown stronger. So the first reason had to do with benefitting the children on the other side.

The other reason had to do with supporting the parents and the bereaved families. As we approached the first year anniversary to Dan’s passing, we wondered what we could or should do on that day. We didn’t want to ask anyone to take a day off off work to gather with us. We had had people coming and going when Danny passed and we didn’t want anyone to be inconvenienced at this time. It was my husband Jerry who said, “Why don’t we just ask everyone to send a prayer on that day to Dan?” As soon as he said it, it felt right! I knew that it would intrinsically help us without anyone needing to get in the car and come over. So we sent out our emails and made some calls and set up a Prayer Team.

On that dreaded day, we felt better than we had anticipated. We felt strong, and supported and of course we were, by the thoughts and prayers of many. Shortly after that day I decided to form The Prayer Registry to open these prayers up to all the bereaved parents and their children on the other side. If you go to The Prayer Registry at my website, you will be able to see the names of the children printed on their passing date on the calendar. Through the calendars the Prayer Team is able to know who is due for prayer. And, I must say that it’s a great comfort to know that on that day of days, when you are struggling to get through, that there are countless others linking up together in thought, to send prayers and love outward to your child on the other side, as well as to your family here on earth.

I invite you to register your child for mass prayer for every year going forward on the anniversary day of his or her passing. It may give you some solace over the holidays. Just email Sheri at and let me know the full name and passing date of your child. There is no fee for this service.

But, if I could give you a gift for the holidays, it would be the gift of opening your mind up to the possibility that your child’s consciousness has gone on and that although he or she is definitely not here, that they are not far, nor have they been erased from the entire universe! If you can open your mind, even a little bit, it can begin to open the channel for you to feel and sense more of your child’s spirit. When in a private session with medium Hoyt Robinette, I asked Danny if he had a message for the other parents. This is what he said:

Robinette:  Dan says:


“You know there are some people who are devastated and I want you to be able to give them the right words…the right encouragement. We are here. We  are as close as your breath. But I want those people to understand that. We haven’t been removed and taken away and torn out of their heart. We’ve been torn out of their sight, out of their grip, but we have not been torn out of their heart nor is our spirit removed from theirs. We’re as close now as we were before. Sometimes it’s very painful to us the mourning to be taking place when we’re so close. “


I will leave you with that thought because I think about it all the time. “ We’ve been torn out of their sight, out of their grip, but we have not been torn out of their heart nor is our spirit removed from theirs.” Just to consider this presents an entirely different perspective from one that assumes that our loved ones have been completely erased and no longer exist in any way, shape or form. Not even possible! Even Einstein said that energy could not be created or destroyed, but could only change form.


I will ask you to consider one more thing. When we are in the presence of someone who has passed, we can easily look at their body and say with total certainty, “He’s gone.” We can view the body right there in front of us and still have no doubt about it when we say, “She’s gone.” Quite frankly, the only reason why we can even bare to part with the bodies of our loved ones in the first place, is because we know that the energy essence that was this person is no longer there! Whatever it was that we loved is no longer present in that body. Where has it gone and in what form is it now? Those are the questions that interest me and that I would have you asking yourselves.


Sometimes I am amazed at how little interest people have in exploring the afterlife, as if it is something they will never have to contend with. I think it has a lot to do with denial, for the very same people buy travel books if they are going to a new place, in order to familiarize themselves with the customs, the weather and what else to expect on their journey. But traveling is optional. Death is not. We all pass. It’s only a matter of time. Aren’t you even a little bit curious?


I invite you to open up your curiosity. You have nothing to lose but your fear of death and everything to gain. Those in spirit love you as much as you love them. Just understanding that will help you to open up to the presence of spirit. I wish this for all of you.