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Facing Mother's Day With A Deceased Child

posted May 5, 2010, 3:45 PM by Sheri Perl   [ updated Jun 9, 2010, 3:14 PM ]

This Sunday will be my second Mother’s Day since the passing of my son Daniel on     July 1, 2008.  As I approach that day designated to honor mothers, it is easy to feel sorry for myself and to want to sit in a corner and lick my wounds.  And knowing that I could easily wake up on Mother’s Day feeling these emotions, I make no demands on myself to socialize or to be happy. 

Last year I stayed at home and watched movies with my family.  It was all that I was up to and it was what Dan would have done.  He loved movies, so it seemed an appropriate distraction and the day came and went without invoking too much pain.  However, the truth be told, I was drawing strength and support from thinking of all the other mothers I was connected with who were also living through Mother’s Day with a deceased child.  

Although at the time I only knew a few other mothers in this unthinkable situation, as I thought of each of them I felt a kinship that supported me.  I wasn’t in this alone.  I had a small group of “sisters-in-loss” who I kept in my mind and heart throughout the day.  Somehow just knowing they were out there doing the best they could to get through the day made me stronger. 

With the formation of The Prayer Registry this group of mothers has grown and soon The Prayer Registry will send out an invitation to each of you to open up a free google account which will enable you to enter The Prayer Registry calendars, hit on your child’s name, and add whatever information about your child that you would like to share.  You do not have to do this.  If you have registered your child with me, your child’s name has been published on the calendar where it will remain year after year and you can see this by going to The Prayer Registry at but if you would like to be able to enter information and update it anytime, you will need to open up the google account. 

With that dreaded day approaching, I want to reach out to all of you:  Maria, Lisa, Roz, Ruth, Emily, Joan, Nada, Joy, Lena, Sheri, Tammy, Teresa, Denise, Susan, Mary, Margo, Milly, Lucille, Catherine, Judi, Melanie, Helen, Leslie, and Margaret; my sisters.  I extend my hand to each of you, and I ask for yours in return.  I will think of you and I thank you for sharing your stories with me.  Soon you will all be able to write about yourselves and your child on The Prayer Registry site.  In this way all the members of this Prayer Team will be able to learn about each other and the children that we are praying for. 

I wasn’t much of an athlete when I was a kid, so I wasn’t on a lot of teams. One thing I could see however, even from being on the outside, was that being on a team could be a good thing for it came with teammates and a sense of commonality and support. Well hell, this is one team we would never opt to be on by choice, but we are on it none-the-less and we are a Prayer Team! We do something good for each of our children as well as the families that miss them! We are at the inception of something that is going to grow in size and power. I give thanks for mothers who are always mothers, no matter where in the universe their children are!

If the blues threaten to take over your day on Sunday, remember that you are one of many mothers and that the rest of us are there too, sharing the burden and holding each other up. Here’s to all of you and getting through the day!

Sheri Perl,
May 5, 2010, 9:28 PM